Eid this time around is such a big bag of mixed emotions for me. Though Martian has been very generous this year and has done so much to help- sprucing up the house and yard, hiring professional cleaners, purchasing much needed new furniture, to name a few, I on the other hand managed only minimal contribution. Still, I was pretty optimistic with the approaching raya that we've got things really going our way this year and there shoudn't be any reason I could be feeling unnecessarily melancholic like I always do during raya.
I could have done better actually, if only I was struck with a very bad case of skin allergy a week before raya that rendered me almost immobile for a couple of days and Nunu had to spend a night at mak nab's. The skin on the soles of my feet healed just in time on raya eve, but it didn't help to lift my mood at all.
I felt bleak as bleak as the weather was on raya eve, especially after receiving terrible news that a special person in my life had lost her mother. We're extremely close to this family. My Tok used to babysit Bibi's father and our fathers had remained friends all these years, they're practically family to us that I've always introduced Bibi as my 'cousin' to anyone we meet.
Is there a 'proper' way to grieve? I didn't have the guts to give her a call to express my condolences, although I did talk to her husband and sent a text message to her elder sister. I wouldn't know how to deal with it. Later that night, I found distraction in cleaning the fridge and the oven, and around 3 am, found quietude in the passages of the Yaasin.
The whole family was supposed to attend my cousin's wedding in Kelantan on the 3rd day of raya, but all plans were canceled due to my grandmother's health and my father's last minute obligations. If we went to Kelantan, we could have visited Bibi's family in Terengganu, where her mother was laid to rest. And it could be a sign, that out of the blue, I stumbled upon a crumpled photograph of Bibi's wedding picture in an old paper bag in the tool shed, amongst other odds and ends.
Yes, I should call her today.
Dearest Bibi, I know words can possibly describe what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that Mama will always be in our prayers and memories. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman.
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I could have done better actually, if only I was struck with a very bad case of skin allergy a week before raya that rendered me almost immobile for a couple of days and Nunu had to spend a night at mak nab's. The skin on the soles of my feet healed just in time on raya eve, but it didn't help to lift my mood at all.
I felt bleak as bleak as the weather was on raya eve, especially after receiving terrible news that a special person in my life had lost her mother. We're extremely close to this family. My Tok used to babysit Bibi's father and our fathers had remained friends all these years, they're practically family to us that I've always introduced Bibi as my 'cousin' to anyone we meet.
Is there a 'proper' way to grieve? I didn't have the guts to give her a call to express my condolences, although I did talk to her husband and sent a text message to her elder sister. I wouldn't know how to deal with it. Later that night, I found distraction in cleaning the fridge and the oven, and around 3 am, found quietude in the passages of the Yaasin.
The whole family was supposed to attend my cousin's wedding in Kelantan on the 3rd day of raya, but all plans were canceled due to my grandmother's health and my father's last minute obligations. If we went to Kelantan, we could have visited Bibi's family in Terengganu, where her mother was laid to rest. And it could be a sign, that out of the blue, I stumbled upon a crumpled photograph of Bibi's wedding picture in an old paper bag in the tool shed, amongst other odds and ends.
Yes, I should call her today.
Dearest Bibi, I know words can possibly describe what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that Mama will always be in our prayers and memories. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman.
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Much of the sorrow dissipated when I woke up at 6am that raya morning. Incredibly enough, the house was ready for our kenduri later that afternoon and we bundled into the car to the in law's by 8 am. Nunu, Ebby and I killed time by playing with puzzles while waiting for the rest of the family to come home from aidilfitri prayers. We then proceeded to have the usual salam-salam and bermaaf-maafan session.
Around 12, we drove back to our place in the kampung where my side of the family was preparing for the small kenduri. This was the time I felt truly blessed because everyone could make it to our home, filled their bellies with scrumptious nasi minyak and made us , especially my Tok truly happy. Which what I should have felt too right from the beginning, coz it was a time to rejoice in our togetherness.
Looks like the grinch didn't steal my raya after all.
10 comments:
aww. sorry to hear u had a mixed raya. but u're a tough one :) glad the grinch failed.
anne dearest,
selamat hari raya n maaf zahir batin to u n family! at least you were organised enough to write raya cards.. apart from the obligatory office cards, i did not manage to write even a single personal card.. :( anyway, glad that you a nice raya.
as for bibi.. is she a fellow sspian who goes by that nick? sorry to hear abt her mom. do convey my condolences if you speak to her.
ps. nunu looks so sweet n pwetty in her baju kurung!
loves
bb, you always have faith in me, don't you? haha
lynn, selamat hari raya! haha organised enough? ain't no meaning to it if you're a procrastinator! yup, bibi's our fellow 79babe. insya allah i'll meet her on of these days when she comes back from her hometown
hey you.. glad that this raya is a joy for u :)
so now, off to slavery at work again eh?
sorry to hear bout ur friend's mom.
agree,nunu looks so sweet and ayu lei in her kurung :)
this year's ramadhan/syawal bnyk betul dugaan for lots of ppl :\
but u hv a blessed syawal k!
nunu nampak dah besar mcm dah boleh pegi primary school lah! sweet!
j.a.d, thnks babe. adoiiiii gg back to work was a b*tch! smpi2 office nampak lubang jalan punya la besaq, phone cable kena curik lagi! grrrr...
ira, thnk u dear. puas tau mak nunu ajar nunu duduk bersimpuh. most of the time nak terkangkang jer
mama shmontel, sigh.. true, lotsa challenges, which made us should count our blessings rite? nunu dlm gambar jer nampak besar, in real life kecik kemetot jer, tapi kudrat dia, mak aih....
Somehow family gatherings always seem to lift up one's spirit... works for me all the time :-)
Selamat hari raya to you, fren! Maaf zahir batin.
Glad the Grinch didn't get to you this Raya. I can't say the same about me.
Actually, I've high hopes about this year's Raya, but somehow my zeal fizzled by the end of first Raya.
My condolence goes to your friend's mother.
Anyhow, hope your Raya has been grand and here's extending my Maaf Zahir & Batin on this joyous Eid occasion. :)
Eid Mubarak!
nin, that's true! but last time, i'd feel a lot worse during gatherings even. such a wet blanket! but alhamdulillah, i feel like i hv good progress going on. cheers sista!
theta, i know what u mean. we women, so yoyo like! haha but i realize we gotta keep on bouncing coz i dont wanna stay depressed during joyous times. alhamdullillah i snapped out of it just in time. hope that you'll feel better kay? eid mubarak to you too!
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