Tok : Kenapa Nuha nangih tadi?
Me: Oh, dia kena denda *sheepish smile*
Tok: Ooh, ingat kan pasai apa. Awat dia kena denda?
Me: Sebab dia pi gigit buku dia sampai koyak.
Tok: Hmm, takpa takpa. Tok ingat nak pi tengok tadi, kot Anne ada masalah apa. Tapi Tok pikiaq, "Ish, ni cucu aku ni nak mengajaq anak dia kot. Dia bukan keriau sebab sakit ni" Jadi, Tok tak jadi lah mai tengok.
Me: Kejap aje Anne denda dia. Suruh dia berdiri kat hujung situ *points at corner*. Bukan kena marah ka, cubit ka. Lepas 2-3 minit, Anne dukung dia masuk bilik. Tunjuk dia buku yg koyak tu dan habaq jangan buat lagi. Pujuk sikit & suruh kiss. Lepas tu, Anne masuk mandi. Dia takdak apa2, baik saja baca buku dalam bilik.
Tok: Oh, macam tu (dalam kepala, oh macam tu ka mat saleh mengajaq anak no!)
So that, ladies & gentlemen, was how I first administered time-out for Nunu, asksears.com style. It wasn't a planned thing, it just happened.
For the past several weeks, I have been trying to keep my flaring temper in check. I realized I was using the wrong approach to discipline my child. I used to think that little smacks, token taps, or stinging pinches and finger flicks of the 'jentik' would be a good lesson of deterrence, most Asian parents have that mindset, right? It's culturally acceptable to instill a liberal amount of fear & inflict a considerable amount pain on your children as punishment.
But I don't want to be that kind of parent. She's just a toddler, for pete's sake! Guilt overcomes me everytime I turn into a snap-dragon. Surely there's a more caring & loving method to deal with errant behaviors. So I've toned down the yelling, the threats, and other negative reinforcements. Am working on my calm response, and my 'firm tone of voice'. At appropriate times, apply extinction and distraction tactics.
Wish me luck, everyone.
And you, young lady. Don't think you've just turned 21 you've earned your 'merdeka', tau!
Me: Oh, dia kena denda *sheepish smile*
Tok: Ooh, ingat kan pasai apa. Awat dia kena denda?
Me: Sebab dia pi gigit buku dia sampai koyak.
Tok: Hmm, takpa takpa. Tok ingat nak pi tengok tadi, kot Anne ada masalah apa. Tapi Tok pikiaq, "Ish, ni cucu aku ni nak mengajaq anak dia kot. Dia bukan keriau sebab sakit ni" Jadi, Tok tak jadi lah mai tengok.
Me: Kejap aje Anne denda dia. Suruh dia berdiri kat hujung situ *points at corner*. Bukan kena marah ka, cubit ka. Lepas 2-3 minit, Anne dukung dia masuk bilik. Tunjuk dia buku yg koyak tu dan habaq jangan buat lagi. Pujuk sikit & suruh kiss. Lepas tu, Anne masuk mandi. Dia takdak apa2, baik saja baca buku dalam bilik.
Tok: Oh, macam tu (dalam kepala, oh macam tu ka mat saleh mengajaq anak no!)
So that, ladies & gentlemen, was how I first administered time-out for Nunu, asksears.com style. It wasn't a planned thing, it just happened.
For the past several weeks, I have been trying to keep my flaring temper in check. I realized I was using the wrong approach to discipline my child. I used to think that little smacks, token taps, or stinging pinches and finger flicks of the 'jentik' would be a good lesson of deterrence, most Asian parents have that mindset, right? It's culturally acceptable to instill a liberal amount of fear & inflict a considerable amount pain on your children as punishment.
But I don't want to be that kind of parent. She's just a toddler, for pete's sake! Guilt overcomes me everytime I turn into a snap-dragon. Surely there's a more caring & loving method to deal with errant behaviors. So I've toned down the yelling, the threats, and other negative reinforcements. Am working on my calm response, and my 'firm tone of voice'. At appropriate times, apply extinction and distraction tactics.
Wish me luck, everyone.
And you, young lady. Don't think you've just turned 21 you've earned your 'merdeka', tau!
7 comments:
Been there, done that. Actually, still doing it...the smacking think *shame*. I tried the time-out thing but with my 2-and-a-half year old...aduuhh...menguji betul! Once I put her in the playpen during one of her tantrums and the moment I turned, there was a loud thud and she was on the floor (she had never climbed out of the playpen before so I didn't know she was capable). I felt so bad when all i wanted was to give her some time-out. Spent the rest of the night on a guilt trip. Tension.... :-(
Btw, if you have never read this book ~ Cool Mum, Super Dad by Jamilah Samian, I suggest you do. I've read that book a few times and will probably read it many more times during my kids' growing up years. Lots of good advice and in my own humble opinion, worth reading. Made me see parenthood from a whole new perspective.
Good luck to you and me! :-)
good try, anne. i think ure doing the right thing. do keep us updated. i could really learn from those ppl who pass through this stage before me. good luck!
Anne,
I admit I have yet to read any literature on raising and most importantly, disciplining your toddler.
Thanks for the parenting link.
I'm one of those who would raise my voice to my kid, and cause my 'blood pressure to go upstairs' as a result. As for the physical forms of punishment, I have yet to practice any since I'm klutzy by nature which had me inadvertently caused injury to my toddler, much to my annoyance and grief!
nin, poor kid! i hope she wasn't hurt time jatuh tu. and i'm sure you both had a rough time. hang in there ok. It doesnt work every time, kan? I was surprised Nunu stayed put during the TO, i thought she'd run & cling to me. but we have to anticipate they stimes our plans may backfire, so gotta keep our cool & think of plan B :)
bb, we learn & share from our experiences ok? stimes we have to separate the parenting rules and the parenting guidelines, stimes there are neither 'right or wrong' methods at all, so we have to trust our instinct on that :D
theta, i regretted not looking for suitable references when facing with nunu's 'behavioral problems'! i HATE raising my voice because i don't want to project that type of personality, lest she would adopt that personality in later life. I hope our children will grow up well behaved with caring & nurturing sorrounding, but who knows yah, i might need to resort to corporal punishment when my kid(s) are older.
after screaming at aisyah, i cant help but feel guilty for the rest of the day! must be more more patient but sometimes cant help it. haizz..
i understand. those screaming & spanking are mostly impulsive reaction kan? that;s why we feel guilty afterwards, for not exerting enough self control to NOT lose our cool. but let's face it lah, no mom is perfect. if u feel guilty, kena apologize to ur child & move on (at least, that's what the experts say!)
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