No, I haven't been sucked in a black hole and ceased to exist in the virtual world, truth is I'm just swamped with work and the real world, I literally feel like I'm trudging through the murky waters, sinking and drowning into oblivion.
I hate to put my thoughts for all to see when I'm going through 'one of those days', which I fondly refer as my 'downtime', when every aspect of my life seem to be malfunctioning. One of those days when I second guess everything I do for fear that I'd lose something or a piece of me if I made the wrong choice. I was everywhere and all over the place, but I was going nowhere.
Yeah, you moms know what I mean. I hope you do, coz I'm not making any sense even to myself.
Frankly, I've never thought that I'm quite fit in with my current roles and the different hats that I wear on a daily basis. I'm a bad juggler, you see. Sometimes, I barely scrape through, but most days things just slip and fall apart, but I picked up after my own mess, and keep on juggling. I'm still seeking, and searching, for the balance. It doesn't have to be a perfect balance, I just don't wanna fall of the edge again.
I wanna be happy, for the sake of this kid.
My happiness is in her giggles
My joy, in her exuberance
In the speed of Nunu
We have a game. She calles herself 'Chua' sometimes, and her poor mother, 'Amin', both characters of the GBS fame. One day, when she saw me staring into space like a freaking zombie, she held my face and stroked my cheek, and said, "Bertenang, Amin. Bertenang." (tr: relax)
She's telling me to 'bertenang' a lot these days. Especially when I'm about to turn into another type of monster who's trying to get her tiddler creature under her thumb. I admit she's been awfully good while I'm going through this, save from a few occasions but fall nowhere near her behavior while the TT phase was at its height; an absolute delight. So I admit, I took it out on her. Poor Nunu, she's so forgiving, unlike me.
Then again, I hope this is just hormonal. And no, "I'm not. I'm just fat".
Those kind people who innocently throw the "Are you pregnant?" or "Sooo, when is Nunu going to have an adik?" question may think that they mean no harm, but please, I'm sick of the question already and I don't want to be pleasant about it anymore. Call me sensitive, I don't care.
Sorry.
I hate to put my thoughts for all to see when I'm going through 'one of those days', which I fondly refer as my 'downtime', when every aspect of my life seem to be malfunctioning. One of those days when I second guess everything I do for fear that I'd lose something or a piece of me if I made the wrong choice. I was everywhere and all over the place, but I was going nowhere.
Yeah, you moms know what I mean. I hope you do, coz I'm not making any sense even to myself.
Frankly, I've never thought that I'm quite fit in with my current roles and the different hats that I wear on a daily basis. I'm a bad juggler, you see. Sometimes, I barely scrape through, but most days things just slip and fall apart, but I picked up after my own mess, and keep on juggling. I'm still seeking, and searching, for the balance. It doesn't have to be a perfect balance, I just don't wanna fall of the edge again.
I wanna be happy, for the sake of this kid.
My happiness is in her giggles
My joy, in her exuberance
In the speed of Nunu
We have a game. She calles herself 'Chua' sometimes, and her poor mother, 'Amin', both characters of the GBS fame. One day, when she saw me staring into space like a freaking zombie, she held my face and stroked my cheek, and said, "Bertenang, Amin. Bertenang." (tr: relax)
She's telling me to 'bertenang' a lot these days. Especially when I'm about to turn into another type of monster who's trying to get her tiddler creature under her thumb. I admit she's been awfully good while I'm going through this, save from a few occasions but fall nowhere near her behavior while the TT phase was at its height; an absolute delight. So I admit, I took it out on her. Poor Nunu, she's so forgiving, unlike me.
Then again, I hope this is just hormonal. And no, "I'm not. I'm just fat".
Those kind people who innocently throw the "Are you pregnant?" or "Sooo, when is Nunu going to have an adik?" question may think that they mean no harm, but please, I'm sick of the question already and I don't want to be pleasant about it anymore. Call me sensitive, I don't care.
Sorry.
13 comments:
sigh. i hear ya, anne, i do. why do u think i say i'm a "person with endless inner conflicts"..? when i try juggling too much, i dont do it really good. maybe it's my position as an objective outside observer but from what i see, u're doing the best u can (and pretty much succeeding a lot better than i was!).. so do hang in there. i hope eventually things'll work out in a way that'll make u happier and better. hugss
p/s: those bila nak adik questions are blardy irritating!!!
Bertenang amin, bertenang. hahahaha that is a good one!
But i hear you. I think all mothers are the same, except for some happy ones ( i wonder what pill they take :P).
So we sama sama bertenang la.. Amin..
so cute la, that 'bertenang amin, bertenang..' line :-)
i feel ya hon..when ppl ask me when's no. 2 coming, i'm sick of being 'polite' too... so i give em a sarcastic remark like a date... 'yes, the 2nd one will be out on 20-10-2010'
they do a double take and i smile and say 'be sure u mark ur calendars...thank u for asking' :-D
nah... i don't go that far..i just give 'em the date, that's all :p
bertenang.amin.bertenang...... :D
aaaaw..that's why God created kids.... nunu's just adorable! lucky momma , you are!
(yeah, i hate that question too.... ' r u preggy?' patut kena ban je soalan tu dari muka bumi ini! muahaha..)
;)
been there felt that. I guess all moms go through that phase. It will be gone in a jiffy. Just hang on a little bit more.
When people ask me, I'll just say... eh wait, people don't ask anymore because I now have 2. But mom is asking, and the hubby is hinting. Buat tak tau je la. Or the more direct answer; "cukup le dgn yang ada ni" and the people who knows Aliya will immediately understand what it means .. LOL
nunu's right, you should 'bertenang' ;)
like you i also tend to take more than i can handle sometimes (dah la tak reti cakap 'no' hehe)
oh and the no. 2 question, i get asked that too. feel like saying 'tanya so much u wanna jaga my anak is it?' hmmmppphhh
anyway, just try to 'bertenang' k Amin? :p
Hey babe, hang in there. InsyaAllah things will be okay soon. Banyak-banyak bertenang, k?
p/s: I get the "When's #2 coming?" question too. At this point, I'm just too lazy to be upset anymore. Coz the more I get upset, the more stressful it'll be for me. So abaikan ajelah. Haha. Buat-buat tak dengar like that. :P
hang in there babe. i think exactly the same way as u.
i keep fretting abt the little things (especially WORK) and somehow that took the light away from everything else that is nice in my life. i am blessed with a wonderful family, i have food on the table and my life is good so why let ONE aspect spoil it all??
"this too, shall pass"
p/s: abt number 2, u have absolute right not to be nice anymore coz no one has the right to pry!
Yeup, I agree with mama shmontel... that kid is created for the parents (or even an aunt like me) to get through challenges with a laugh or at least a smile :)
Nunu's so cute with her "bertenang, Amir, bertenang."
I'm looking forward to more cheerful posts from you. Hang in there.
Nunu sounds so grown up huh... : )
we all go tru these days.. hang in there..1 step at a time sis...
haha..as for the no 2 question, its blood y irratating lah, now that Im expecting no 2, there are some who ask me to go for no 3 too... gosh... really when does it ends ?
whatever it is, may it pass soon!
take care anne.
hang in there anne!
and gosh,nunu is so cute to 'menenang'kan you. :)
Anne,
Take a deep breath, count to 10 or 1000 if need be... Totally understand what you are going thru. Tarik nafas dalam2, kembungkan perut, count to 10 then lepaskan nafas... that usually help me *wink*
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