It's Nunu's 26th month today, another update is due, but I don't know if I'm ever able to do this again. I've already missed the 25th month altogether. It's not like I'm being pressured to come up with a milestone progress report or anything, in fact I don't feel pressured at all. Hence, the sporadic blogging.
I have a feeling that I'll stop doing this (monthly updates, I mean) coz let's face it, in the beginning I was this eager proud mom who would religiously keep track of her firstborn's every single move for posterity's sake. Over the course of time, I think I no longer have the drive, maybe I was a bit delusional, but that won't stop me from blogging about my child, the main reason why I'm blogging at all. So, this shall be the last monthly update about Nunu, but worry not, this shan't be the last I blog about her :)
Someone summed up her two-and-a-half year old daughter as perfectly as I would describe Nunu at the moment.
"Meanwhile, LN is a delight. And a tantrum-thrower. And a comedian. And pure joy. And a terrible two monster. What an exhausting yet fabulous combination."
One-minute devil, one-minute angel. And that's what two-year-olds are, which sometimes I unintentionally forget. I admit things get hellish at times living with a cranky clingy toddler, and I've been terribly testy, all for the wrong reasons too. Fortunately, I repent almost immediately when the fiery little missy would indignantly look up at me and boldly demands to know why she's being treated so unfairly. Tsk, I'm terribly sorry Nunu, if I've caused you to suffer in any way when I'm being short with you or being the hell-sent mother you think I am sometimes.
I'm a shouter, a growler, I'd yip and yap at the slightest aggravation, which I should be working on to tone down a little, I know. I surely hope it's not a hereditary trait, coz she'd also shout at me sharply for no reason at all, or when I wasn't paying attention to her, or when she thinks it's amusing she's mimicking those kids pretending to be 'mak tiri garang' on Tom Tom Bak.
But we enjoyed a couple of mock-shouting matches sometimes, just to let off some steam. We never mean the things that we said to each other.
She loves chocolates to death. She knows someone is unwrapping a piece of chocolate just by the rustling sounds it makes (or any other candy/snack wrappers) . And I'm okay with chocs as long as she brushes her teeth (which he loves doing to death too). My little 'ko-ho-ho-lic'.
I'm a shouter, a growler, I'd yip and yap at the slightest aggravation, which I should be working on to tone down a little, I know. I surely hope it's not a hereditary trait, coz she'd also shout at me sharply for no reason at all, or when I wasn't paying attention to her, or when she thinks it's amusing she's mimicking those kids pretending to be 'mak tiri garang' on Tom Tom Bak.
But we enjoyed a couple of mock-shouting matches sometimes, just to let off some steam. We never mean the things that we said to each other.
She loves chocolates to death. She knows someone is unwrapping a piece of chocolate just by the rustling sounds it makes (or any other candy/snack wrappers) . And I'm okay with chocs as long as she brushes her teeth (which he loves doing to death too). My little 'ko-ho-ho-lic'.
She would call out for me in the sweetest most angelic voice, almost in a sing-song manner. Many a times Tok told me she has the most melodious voice she's ever heard from a kid. Seriously.
She's a good wrestler these days. I'd pin her down and tickle her all over until she begs me to stop (or don't stop), then she'd fight back and try to pin me down and does the adult-paralyzing maneuver, the nose-mouth-finger hook (ouh, don't ask me how a two year old outplays me, she does have her technique all figured out, I'd have to surrender all the time)
She loves accessories. Apart from her hair clips and hair grips, she's awfully proud of her shades (oooh, momma, so oh-rensh!) her bracelets, vanity bags, shoes and other girly stuff. But definitely not a mami jarum junior in the making, hell no.
She's a good wrestler these days. I'd pin her down and tickle her all over until she begs me to stop (or don't stop), then she'd fight back and try to pin me down and does the adult-paralyzing maneuver, the nose-mouth-finger hook (ouh, don't ask me how a two year old outplays me, she does have her technique all figured out, I'd have to surrender all the time)
She loves accessories. Apart from her hair clips and hair grips, she's awfully proud of her shades (oooh, momma, so oh-rensh!) her bracelets, vanity bags, shoes and other girly stuff. But definitely not a mami jarum junior in the making, hell no.
Our nightly routine nowadays is a round of 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' for bedtime reading (she memorized almost the whole story!). Sometimes we have a mini bolster jostling/fencing match till we're huffy and puffy and all tired out. Then we'd snuggle and cuddle under the covers and I'd rub her back until she goes to sleep, not before I conk out first of course.
And did I mention, she's weaned? Yes, the lil nenen girl is off the breast. Get that, OFF THE BOOBIES. Yeah, can hardly believe that myself, I couldn't imagine being a mother without being a milking cow. But, alhamdulillah, I did it without regrets. I intended to make a big deal about it by drafting a special post just about 'weaning her over' since I'm a little bit excited how painless the process went, but that happened over a month ago, on New Year's eve in fact, so nope, I'll spare you people the 'stale news'. Maybe some other time, one of these days, we'll see :)
Main thing is, at the rate she was going, she didn't look like she's interested to self-wean, so I gave her a little incentive in the form of 'salt'. One taste of the salty tit, and she declared that my boobies are 'broken' and nenen is no longer 'tasty' :)
I hated to do it, but it's one of those things that you've just got to do before the whole experience turns sourish. And I'm so relieved it went well, and we didn't experience any setbacks or serious aftereffects, except for some fussing at night and a few mind boggling night wakings, but those soon were past and she's sleeping beautifully these days with minimal wakings.
Like a little angel.
Shot by Aaron Kok
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Do take time to say a prayer tonight for the little angel, Ava and all the other angels in heaven who have left their loved ones behind.
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And did I mention, she's weaned? Yes, the lil nenen girl is off the breast. Get that, OFF THE BOOBIES. Yeah, can hardly believe that myself, I couldn't imagine being a mother without being a milking cow. But, alhamdulillah, I did it without regrets. I intended to make a big deal about it by drafting a special post just about 'weaning her over' since I'm a little bit excited how painless the process went, but that happened over a month ago, on New Year's eve in fact, so nope, I'll spare you people the 'stale news'. Maybe some other time, one of these days, we'll see :)
Main thing is, at the rate she was going, she didn't look like she's interested to self-wean, so I gave her a little incentive in the form of 'salt'. One taste of the salty tit, and she declared that my boobies are 'broken' and nenen is no longer 'tasty' :)
I hated to do it, but it's one of those things that you've just got to do before the whole experience turns sourish. And I'm so relieved it went well, and we didn't experience any setbacks or serious aftereffects, except for some fussing at night and a few mind boggling night wakings, but those soon were past and she's sleeping beautifully these days with minimal wakings.
Like a little angel.
Shot by Aaron Kok
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A lot of things made me feel so emotional these days. One of the trigger factors is this blog, particularly this post and this (oh please, please don't skip this link, do read this grieving mother's post!) A friend shared with me the link to her blog, and coincidently tomorrow is the anniversary of her daughter's passing. I cried buckets reading this paragraph (gosh, I even cried reading all the beautiful comments) :
The Regrets.
I know people say not to have them. That they are pointless and will drive me mad. But they are there. Not about that day, not really. I know we were doing nothing other than living out a normal day. That I believed she was safe and sound. That I tried my absolute very best, every single day of her life, to keep her safe. I didn't even let her go to the shopping center for fear that she'd get lost. So I don't really feel like I could have done that day differently.
What I do regret though is not just taking more time.
Just kneeling down and putting lippy on her, every single morning, regardless of what someone might think or whether she's too young or if she'd ruin her new Oilily top.
I wish I'd taken her shopping on so many more days. I was just waiting until she got "easier", when she might not pest or maybe get lost or throw a tantrum.
One of my first entries on this blog is about wanting a proper tea party with her. I never did it. I have no idea why but I never did. I guess I thought I had time.
I regret not letting her wear whatever she wanted every single day - why did I think it mattered?
She asked me to sleep in her bed one night. Why didn't I? I just regret these things for me. Not for her. She had everything she needed. She had love. SOOOOOOOO much love. Every single day, she was loved. She was happy. She was cherished and adored. But for me, I am sad.
Does reading this post make you feel like you want to cherish your child/ren more? I don't know, but reading stories about mothers losing their child chokes me. How does one cope? Tok herself have lost three of her own, and when she stares wistfully with faraway eyes, I wondered if she still grieves for them, or if she ever stops worrying about her existing ones and their own offspring.
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6 comments:
Hmm, that someone's 2 and 1/2 year old sounds just like... oh, that IS LN. :-)
Nunu is getting so big - I just love her expressive eyes, so curious, so sweet... and do I see a mischievous twinkle?
My uncle who lost his daughter some times ago (twice, really - first when illness struck and she was in a vegetative state and finally when she died some years later) still gets that faraway look - I saw them when he was watching LN play when we visited Korea. Thank you for sharing that link... makes me want to live every moment with LN without regrets.
Do what I do .... updates for the first 6 months of their lives. After that, just do it once a year. Easy .... just concentrate on taking as many pictures as possible. After all, a picture says a thousand words.
yes, yg pentingnya anak2 ni memang so much loved and cared about! i made a point to tell that to my children all the time!
anne just update with more and more pictures of Nunu :)
i read sheye's blog too last week. it's really sad isn't it? but i guess it makes us realise that we don't really ever own anything in this life kan? and even a normal day can be tragic with a blink of an eye..
you're right, the post really makes me wanna cherish yazid more. i really can't imagine how hard this week must be for her and her family...
i love ur updates no matter how frequent or infrequent...regular doses of Nunu brighten up our days!
oh, that link made me wanna cry buckets...so very heartbreaking to read :-(
dear dear MN, when those eyes of hers twinkle, my blood literally froze. God knows what she goes on in her head.
what a sad story that is abt your uncle. babe, you go all out and keep LN for yourself ok
moby, aiyayai! pics don't always talk the way she does!
anaamira, yes we never forget how much they're loved... but it hurts when u totally forget that for a few seconds when we lose our cool and think/act so selfishly.
hetz, yeah tragic indeed. but it's more mind blowing how the tragedy has affects us all, kan? hopefully ava's spirit will be eternally immortalized in the photos and our minds :)
mdr, did i hear nunu overdose? haha i do suffer from that condition, y'know. makes u kooky crazee and gundu all at the same time
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