KIDS DON'T COME WITH INSTRUCTION MANUALS

Read Mama Nabi's entry today, which made me grin from ear to ear.

Of course, how we wished they come with manuals! Too bad they don't. Coz if they do, then the world would not be as screwed up as it is now.

No parent with a right frame of mind will say parenting is a breeze. I personally think bringing up a child is the most noble, if not the toughest job in the world. Providing for them is one thing, but to nurture and care for them, to raise them to be mukmins, dutiful to their parents & the Lord, a human being in the truest sense of the word- that is another story. As a Muslim, I understand children are gifts from God, but they also act as tests of our faith. My actions or inactions will be judged by the Almighty, and I hope I shan't care about judgements from others.
I don't know if it's too early to question my parenting, Nunu is just nearing 7-months. But I wonder still. The other day, my Tok, Nunu's Nenek saw me expressing milk (Marmet way, again) and she broke into tears, stroked my back and in between sobs kept saying what a good mom I am. More than once she compared me to Mak Baik & Mak Yuh (and my own mother, sometimes), who are gladiator/survivor mommies in my opinion - fearless, selfless, hardworking- and said sorrowfully, "Anne yang paling pandai jaga anak."

I'm still flabbergasted. This came from a woman who worked so hard all her life, she endures all sorts of illnesses now in her old age; who held a cangkul in one arm and a baby in another, who traveled on buses upon buses trading textiles, who suffered & sacrificed so much, her progenies will and can never repay in their whole lifetime.

I feel that choosing to breastfeed a child does not make me qualify me as a Mum of the Year nominee, and it certainly should not constitute what type of a mother I am. I'm sure any mother who feeds her baby at all made sacrifices of their own, and chooses what's best for their children. Whether it is time or monetary, it shouldn't matter.

This leads my thoughts into a whole new, bigger perspective with never-ending questions swimming in my head. How will I fare when the brood get bigger? What decisions shall I make? Am I responsible enough to shape my children's behaviour? What will my children do to surprise/shock me? Am I really prepared for this? Will they drive my bananas? Oh dear, what if I turn out like Malcolm's mom?

Oh well. Parents will just have to learn through experience and it's a life-long process. Sometimes you go with your gut-feeling, sometimes you refer to your own parents, grandparents, other parents, counsellors etc. You read books, go for parental seminars, surf the net :)

I know there is a manual of some sort, and it's called the al-Quran. And it's been a while...

I'll end this post by sharing this beautiful piece of passage which I read from Kak Najah's blog:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,

“Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.
- Kahlil Gibran

Addendum (4th July 2006): I asked Tok why she's teary-eyed again last night, she said she used to 'milk herself' the way I did, and it brought old, painful memories of her 'susah' yesteryears. OK I admit I weeped right after tht...