Motherhood is sometimes..... a battle

Nunu was due for her third month immunisation yesterday. What was so special about the visit is that Nunu was given extra attention by some trainee nurses, around 5-6 of them. She was stripped down to her diaper, but my, did she love the attention. They checked her from head to toe and she squeled in delight when they babytalk to her. It was a precious moment for me coz I know she's healthy and developing well.

But my heart breaks each time she gets her jabs. I can't possibly imagine the pain she's going through. And last night her body was so hot with fever, I ended up holding her tight in my arms 3/4 throughout night.

All this, experiencing for the first time as a mum, sometimes makes me feel that I'm a horrid mum, for letting my child fall sick. Sometimes I blame myself when she's not sleeping well, waking up almost every two hours after I put her to bed. I blame myself too, if she's being fussy and suddenly bawled up. I felt that I failed at attending her needs.

Every now and then, someone close to me would make me feel this way, and make me believe that I don't know what I'm doing for my child. I've waited for words of encouragement and understanding, but they seldom come my way. Most of the time I feel that I'm alone in this world with Nunu...