MY FAREWELL

Just when you think that you're done with the outpouring tributes to the late MJ, here I come with another cheesy one to add to the overwhelming pile. I didn't think I wanted to do this initially as I felt that it is best that I grieve in my own quiet way, coz you can't really consider me as a die-hard fan.

I don't own any of his albums, I didn't keep any posters, pictures or newspaper clippings of him, and I certainly don't have much childhood memories special enough for a worthy read. But as the shock and the state of denial wore off, reality began to sink in and I'm now at the stage of acceptance, that I am no different from millions others. On Sunday morning, when I had the luxury of time to mull over the news on the net and drown myself in sorrow with his youtube videos, I was officially in mourning over the passing of the great King of Pop.

What's with the delay, you ask? Slowlah Anne ni, you might think! Well, I have my reasons, hence the reluctant blog post. Zara texted me of the news early Friday morning as I was busy packing for a business trip later that morning. I texted, "U kidding rite?", thinking, not another hoax? But when I learnt the truth, I was indeed shocked, but unapologetically non-chalant somehow (I was probably more concerned about how I was supposed to close my packed-to-the-brim suitcase!) Zara admitted that she loved MJ, but did I too? No time to thinklah.

Through out my journey to KL with several other senior members of DPMMPP, although the air waves were inundated with his songs, I was still snobbishly indifferent. When we reached our destination, which was Istana Hotel, I switched on the tv and was turned off by the media frenzy. So another music legend dies, so what? I'm not a fan, therefore I'm not affected - haha, so action only, berlagak habih orang penang kata.

However, everything changed during our dinner later that night. A stellar performance by 80's one-time heart-throb Syed Sobri, who dedicated the song 'One Day in Your Life' to his idol, finally melted my icy heart. In a flurry of memories that were coming back to me, I realized that just a day before he passed away, Martian and I was singing our hearts out to Nunu, in effort of introducing Nunu to our respective fave song by MJ. Mine was 'Ben' and his, of course, was 'One Day in Your Life'. I forgot about Nunu's giggles when she saw her parents facing off with each other and thought that they've gone nutty. Now, is that an act of love?

'Ben' goes waaaaay back that I couldn't even remember when I first heard of the song, but my friend Suriani was the one who taught me the song 'One Day in Your Life'. I think we were 13 then, I remember sitting cross legged on our bunk beds and was completely enamoured by the sweet melody and Suriani's voice. Could that be love too?

Still, I wasn't a huge enough fan, my brothers were. When we were small, my mom got us a video tape of the 80's all time hit and we enjoyed 'Thriller' (sikit pun tak takut ok BB, lagi syok adalah!), 'Beat It' and 'Billie Jean' to the max. Of course the boys tried all the moves and I did what big sisters do best - roll my eyes and scoff mercilessly at them. As much as I enjoyed his moonwalk, anti-gravity lean and crotch-grabbing grooves, I'm more appreciative of his slower numbers and less popular hits ('The Girl is Mine', 'The Way You Make Me Feel', just to name a few).

I remember one of my brother bought (or made my mom buy) the HIStory album and the song that made the biggest impact on me was 'Smile' (originally by Nat King Cole), a staple for teens with depressive tendencies like me. I've always had a soft spot for poor troubled souls, and inside the CD cover, an image of a little boy cowering in a dark corner is forever etched in my mind. I began to see what is beyond the words in his humanitarian-themed songs. I remember feeling all warm whenever I listen to his songs, no matter how vulgar and violent-sounding, or sweet and melodious the tune is. The warm feeling all over, it's got to be love, right?

I also remember that due to all the negative press about him for the past decade has made my love for him wane. I truly didn't belief every allegation thrown at him, but the media circus involving his eccentricities and controversies just made me sick in the stomach that I chose not to care anymore. I ignored every piece of news about him coz none of them made him look good and he looked like he was on his way to his downfall. In short, malas nak layan. I didn't even know of the news that he converted to Islam once.

I feel bad about my attitude now, coz while I was watching those videos and reminiscing, I suddenly remembered something, and went to check my blogger profile, and there it was - under 'favorite music', i wrote 'used to be crazy over Wacko Jacko'. So I did loved him once, I just forgot all about it! Or maybe I have always loved him, and I was too embarrassed to admit it. How sad is that?

Now that he's gone, I realized that I couldn't have stopped loving him for all the wacky things that happened to him. I should be old enough to learn that people make bad choices in their lives all the time, especially when you love under a microscope.

Unlike some fans who admitted openly to have wept over this loss, I couldn't find myself to shed a tear (still action ka weh?) ... until I found this video that finally opened the floodgates.



Michael Mikaeel Jackson, my old love, I pray that you've finally found your peace now. I shall remember you now, forever and always for your pure heart, your legacy of music and your gift of love. For someone who has given joy to millions of people, I truly believe you shall be rewarded with everything you deserve for in the hereafter. May Allah SWT bless your soul. Al-fatihah.

One day in your life
Youll remember the love you found here
Youll remember me somehow
Though you dont need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day . . .