TERRORIST

We heard of terrible things like this in the news, the papers, from gossip-mongers/ news-bearers.

Things like this never happen to you, or the people you’re close to. It usually happens to someone else, or their families. Never ours, no. God forbid.

Although you can't hide the fact that at the back of your mind, there's always a lingering thought that, of course, it could happen to anyone, to me, my beloved ones, my close friends.

But when something finally did happen, it never fails to hit you like a brick, stone cold. The magnitude of human atrocity only sinks in when it hits so much closer to home.

Someone I loved dearly was unfortunate to have crossed path with vicious criminals last week. She was clearly a targeted victim, being in retail business & having a shop on the 1st floor with narrow, dark & very unsafe stairways.

I was breathless when the news was relayed to me, and when they got to the part when the robbers manhandled her and threatened her with a parang in front of her face, I lost it, right there at the door. Oh god, how I cried - and I made the two women who bore the news to me teared up all over again (they obviously cried buckets themselves after the incident)

I was probably the last in the family to know, and I understood why. I couldn't handle it.

How would you react if someone you love so much was kicked & trampled on, threatened her hands to be cut off because she wasn't wearing jewelery, not even a wedding ring (that sicko!) & roughened up to the point that she thought her time has finally come?

I never realized how sensitive and emotional I am. This definitely opened up the floodgates.

I've been contemplating to not blog about this, as the furore has subsided & everyone has moved on. But I haven’t been able to sleep these days, knowing that I have to tell this story to ease this pain. Yes, as much as I try to get my life back to normalcy, I can never seem to write anything on this blog without getting stuck midway. I was mentally & emotionally blocked. My inner voices are screaming, how can you go on without acknowledging your pain & suffering? Without addressing the issues that arise?

I spent days after the incident internalizing, ruminating & reflecting on it’s impact. It’s so cliché, but it’s true that it takes a tragic turn in life to make you pause & try change your ways. One thing, it surely made me feel that I should not take my family for granted, and that we should spend more time together. It’s easy to get wrapped up with the mundane routine of life that sometimes we forget who are important in our lives.

It’s scary that I came to a realization how short & precious life is, but to another person, your life could worth nothing. Crimes are rampant over here now, and no amount of twisted & outrageous crime dramas that I watch on tv can prepare me with the shocking truth about the world we live in today- the lost of the human conscience.

Snatch thieves are getting bolder. Armed robbers aren’t afraid to maim & kill. Car thieves attack women who drive alone. Home burglars now are Indonesian women covered in head to toe black hijab. Conmen are lurking & jumping at every opportunity. Rapists aren't just horny men grabbing little girls on their way to school, they could be family. Victims can be charmed with just a touch, and the latest I heard, even through a phone call.

I have a reason to be afraid. I am just like her, a potential target – exposed to the same environment & the dangers. Everyone is worried about me. When you are the too independent & always running around doing things on your own, you forget you're not invincible.

I have always been careful, but I admit, sometimes, when you have too much to think about, you tend to lax on your own safety. So this will be a grave reminder for myself. I have imposed strict instructions to my assistant to take similar safety precautions & be aware to suspicious strangers.

And I thanked God she practiced those safety measures when a few days ago, a man with a full faced helmet tried to barge in my shop, but upon realizing that the door was locked, he hastily walked away.

Now, a customer always knocked on our door.

Back to the victims, they were terrible shaken up, but we were lucky nobody was seriously hurt in the robbery. The crooks managed to get away with some sizable amount of cash and purses, and the only valuable thing robbed was the shop assistant's gold necklace. The shop was thrashed about pretty bad, but nothing else was taken. They almost got away with her car, but Allah works in mysterious ways. The engine problem that irked her so much for months had a reason for being so. The engine stalled not far from the crime scene, and those really professional bastards had to abandon it to make their escape with their ever ready, plan B crime mobile.

The criminals are still on the loose, but perhaps soon they will no longer be with the help of several witnesses, who coincidently were some customers who came by the shop and saw the suspects’ faces as they were coming down the stairs.

The cops had been a great help & treated the case very seriously. Days after the incident, she made a light-hearted comment about how surreal those moments were, as if she was in some cheesy episode of CSI, or worse, Gerak Khas.

She is a truly amazing woman. Recounting the horrors of the holdup to me, I was awed at how courageous she was to fight against the robbers. Putting a brave face and a wistful smile for me, she kept telling me not to worry about her. Just pray for her so that she can put things behind her now & rebuild her strength.

My family is trying to put this black dot of our lives behind us and things aren't so bad after all when they are put in a broader perspective. We have grown closer, we are redha, kept our faith strong, we turn to the Almighty & we are picking up the broken pieces of our lives.

I am making a better effort to listen to my elders, for sure. Prior to the incident, they have always been wiser & protective. They never fail to remind us to be cautious, and more importantly - be mindful. Selalu beringat. Kalau kita selalu beringat, Insya-Allah Tuhan lindungi kita daripada bala bencana.

My mom always passes me photocopies of doa'a & articles. MIL's constant nagging are with good intentions, FIL writes out doa's in his own handwriting in little pieces of paper for his children so that they can carry it in their wallets.

And Tok, my dear sweet Tok... she worries still, for all of us. She said to me, "Tok kerepot & khedot (kedut) sebab dok susah hati saja."

I can only offer her a smile & a hug & try to understand. After all, isn't becoming a worry-wort a parent's occupational hazard? How can you tell a mother not to worry?

I should stop here. As I finish writing this, I'll be emotionally drained. Let's see how long it will take for me to recover.

Perhaps the invisible shield we hang over our children is made up of the values we instill in them, our desperate caring, our prayer for their safety. So we turn to prayer—for our children and maybe just as much for ourselves. We join our concern with God’s—the divine parent who loves them even more than we do.

We do not pray for our children in some wishful way, superstitiously trying to prevent all harm. Instead we take an active stance that recognizes our human limitations at the same time it bows before God’s power. “I will do everything I can to keep them safe,” we say. “But I’m imperfect. I call on you, great God and loving parent, to protect them when I cannot.”

We ask for an avalanche of blessings, all the best God has in store for them.

Kathy Coffey | Source: “God Knows Parenting Is a Wild Ride” (Sorin Books), © 2002 Kathy Coffey