Thursday, March 29, 2007

A SOUL TO BARE

The lullaby "Rockabye Baby" creeps the hell out of me. It's a little violent, don't you think? I skip that part when I read to Nunu her nursery rhymes book. "Humpty Dumpty" too.

Why? Because they remind me of the cardiac arrest moments I had when I was careless with Nunu.

I never told anyone about this before, but I think it's time for me to face the truth and come clean- or forever will I be wretched mess.

I was a *gulp* negligent mother. When Nunu was about 2 and a half months old, I dropped Nunu. The carrier slid from the passenger seat unto the floor when I hit the brakes to avoid colliding with a car that stopped suddenly in front of mine.

Accidents happen in a split second, but the startled look on her face froze in my memory forever. She took a terrible tumble and bumped her head on the bottom side of the glove compartment.

Of course I was panic stricken, I had no idea how I could still maneuver the car to the curb.

Every parent who witnessed his or her own child getting hurt knows how painful the feeling is to know that the blames falls squarely on you for not being extra careful. I cried along with her and pacified her, while my insides tore apart. She calmed down within seconds, gulping milk in between sobs.

I checked her head and body for injuries - no bumps but she had a faint bluish bruise on her forehead & the bridge of her nose. I thanked God because she resumed to act normal afterwards, smiling & giggling and fascinated by the cars zooming by. I kept track of her behavior for days after, and alhamdulillah - she was fine. But my guilt and pain lasted for months that I vowed never to let anything like that happen to her again.

The incident, the first wake up call every parent had to go through, taught me to be extra vigilant when Nunu's around. She never had a serious fall or head bonks again until she was ready to walk. Keeping an eye on a mobile baby is hard work, and oftentimes she fell due to her rough and tumble nature.

Once, on the tip of her toes, she grabbed some ribbons on Martian's bowling trophy (which is really a bowling pin) and it rolled on her head. Just last night, she tripped while trying to get on the sofa and nose-dived on the carpet with a scary thud. And the day before, she fell and landed on the back of her head because she stepped on a tiny wet spot where her sippy cup dripped. You know it will happen again, but what stops you from beating yourself up again and again every time it happens? Nothing.

We were told that babies are pretty resilient and have the amazing capacity to walk away unscathed from accidents. I have mental images of an infant falling onto the gravel in a scuffle between a kidnapper and his rescuers (he's fine according to the people of 'Most Amazing Videos'), a baby girl in a cute pink outfit (and a headband to boot) found drenched and wailing in a bag fished out from a river in Mexico or somewhere (and she's OK too according to Ms Oprah) and more miracle stories I've found on the net about parents telling us their babies are OK even after falling headlong down the stairs.

Even so, at the back of your head, you couldn't help thinking about that relative you have that has been damaged for life because she had a fall from the bed when she was little. Or the mother on the front page of HM weeping for her child whom suffered head trauma after falling from a hammock or tripping over a 'bendul'.

A mother can only do so much to ensure the safety of her children. But even if you live in a fully child proofed home, kids can get into trouble in a blink of an eye. So, what can we do? OPEN EYES BIG-BIG LOR.

Phew, I feel better after this confession. I'm writing this as a reminder to myself to keep a better eye on Nunu and to not take things for granted. I should never leave her playing by herself. I should check where her hands and legs are before I close the car door. Check floors for wet spots. Close all doors especially the bathroom doors. Be more responsible.

Back to the nursery rhymes, let's see whether I've got over my trauma and have the guts to sing it to Nunu tonight.
Rockabye baby on the tree tops
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will go baby, cradle and all
But I'll leave this part, something that I've found on a twisted website, apparently someone with a wicked sense of humour added this the to the rhymes:
Mommy will make it look like
An accident
And a fall.
Sicko.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

that last part is something eminem would sing.

anyway anne, they ALL have to fall, it's all part of growing up and becoming strong and hardy people they will one day be.

i can't count the number of times he's fallen (till his cheek got permanently dented with a manmade dimple) or bumped on his head too, so you're not the only negligent one ok!

just have to tawakkal and try hard to learn our lessons and be more vigilant the next time.

alternatively....

order that bubble-wrap in bulk, pronto!

Anonymous said...

i think we mummies are all guilty of this one way or another.

confession: nuha has a small dent on the side of her head. she head-butted bucu table. kesian sampai berdarah2 budak tu. lucky no stitches required.

short of locking them up in a padded room we can only tawakkal as hana mentioned.

Anonymous said...

Daddies aren't spared from these heart-stopping moments too.

Every time Ajab falls it's like in slow-motion, his movements so fluid, time stands still for just that split second as his head makes contact with the floor.

Sometimes when I concentrate and look closely, I can almost see his head bouncing back up after impact (in slow motion).

Then as his scream pierces through the silence, I'm jolted out of my dream state and unfreeze myself to pick him off the floor - blood and all.

(I think I watch too much CSI and Tarantino movies!)

Anonymous said...

walao, mobs, macam tulis composition! very descriptive and drama mama (papa?). give you A for effort ok. :p

Mama Sarah said...

i selalu wonder, kenapa A tak pernah hadapi masalah sink tersumbat, padahal dia buang segala benda dalam sinknya. While my house sentiasa kena unblock the drain sedangkan sisa2 makanan sentiasa diasingkan dahulu?

kenapa rumah A nampak ok, sedangkan tak pernah dilap berminggu-minggu? Rumah saya sentiasa berhabuk sedangkan dilap setiap hari?

Anak2 A tak pernah accident yang besar padahal A membiarkan anaknya memanjat, bermain mancis, berkeliaran di luar rumah tanpa pagar etc... SEdangkan anak saya yang ditatang bagai minyak yang penuh sentiasa tersembam, terhantuk kepala, tersungkur dsb?

Mungkin kita sedang diuji dgn tahap kesabaran kita?

Anonymous said...

hana, we have to come to terms that they will fall again kan? hehe but aniq's scar tu too cute to be true leh :D

pinky, every parent has a horror story to tell kan? ish ish if nunu sampai berdarah2 i dont know how i'll fare. Martian wud prolly strangle me

Moby, I know what u mean! i imagine the same thing too. hmm imagine ke? eh ini benar2 kejadian2, bukan CSI reenacment!

Hana, moby, kan dora-emo-by sikit? lol

mama sarah, who is this A? Anne is not Anne rite? I have clogged drains all the time, and my home is the habuk magnet :D

I understand what u mean, although a lil cryptic :D

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